I just pynch a tree in the face
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
