Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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