You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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