I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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