He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
