I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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