If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
