Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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