K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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