Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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