my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
