rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
