That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My bed smells like the plague
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize