i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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