Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
