I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
