so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
