Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
