He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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