so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
