yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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