i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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