Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
