Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
