I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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