Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize