I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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