are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
