i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
