i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
