Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
