omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
