He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
