Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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