Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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