i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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