i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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