Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
