my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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