I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
