This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize