Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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