Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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