I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
