Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize