He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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