It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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