i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
