Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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