just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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