She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
