started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
