Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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