just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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