omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
