Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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