someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
