I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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