try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
