she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
