aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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