Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
