I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
