We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
