he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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