you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
