Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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