all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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