The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
