I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were destined to go to rehab together
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
