YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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