I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
