Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
