Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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